latter day saints

Big Son: "We don't go to that church that's crazy. We go to Latter-Day Saints."

Little Son: "Latter-Day Saints go marching in!!!"

dinner conversations (all tonight)

Little Son (trying to open an edamame): I can't get the ball out!
Me: I will get it out for you.
Little Son: WHO LET THE BALL OUT! WOO! WOO! WOO!

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Big Son: I just like girls.
Me: Oh yeah? You wanna kiss them?
Big Son: Yeah, but only the beautiful and pretty ones. Not the siiiick ones.

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Big Son (describing the taste of his milk): Mine tastes like strawberry yogurt, frozen strawberries, and raspberries.
Little Son (doing the same): Mine tastes like root beer, soda, chips, and... and... CEREAL BALLS!

ambitions of my sons

Last night I went to my little brother's play. He was the Tin Man in his high school's rendition of The Wizard of Oz. He was truly amazing and it was so awesome. Anyway, I got home late and the Sons were still awake so I went in to tell them goodnight. They had the following to say:

"When I grow up I want to be an ice cream man so that I can give everyone ice cream," said Big Son.

Then Little Son shouted, "I want to be an apple man!! And give everyone apples!! And when I am done eating my apple I want ICE CREAM!"

Cute, huh? ... And I was hoping for a genius computer scientist and a doctor. Oh well.

big son isn't big enough

This morning Big Son woke up whining:

"It's not working dad!"

"What's not working son?"

"I'm not a grown up yet!"

(chuckling) "Huh?"

"I'm just sleeping a lot so I can grow up!"

a churro sounds good right now...

The Wife writes:

Little Son came running to me. "I pooped."

I said, "Uh oh, where is it?" (thinking he'd pooped in his underwear).

"In the potty."

So we go to the bathroom and sure enough he got up by himself and pooped in the potty. I congratulated him and told him to flush it down.

"That poop looks like a churro!" he said.

Yay for The Wife and Little Son on the success.

happy birthday the wife!

Today is The Wife's birthday, but I know that she would just spank my hind if I glorified her here (even though she deserves it dearly). So I will just say, "I love you my wife." And leave everyone else with some good birthday laughs in commemoration of The Wife's most excellent life thus far:

The Wife bought this for me to wear on Halloween. Scariest thing ever.

This was last year when Big Son was just learning how to read/spell.

Little Son's silly face.

And finally I'd like to share a family conversation that was spoken during one of our family Costco runs:

Me: Big Son, mom and dad made you.

Big Son: No, a monkey just made me.

Me: Really?

Big Son: And somebody else made Babe. A TIGER MADE BABE!! (giggles)

Me: What about mom?

Big Son: A lion made mom... AND a giraffe!!

Me: And what about dad?

Big Son: An elephant. And a cupcake. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THE WIFE!!

how could she be saying that?!

So I was listening to some old schoo' No Doubt today and it reminded me of a story. Soon after I turned sixteen I asked my crush out on a date. I can't remember who I doubled with, but while me and my date and the other couple were sitting in the car (mid-date) my date started talking about me by name as if I were not myself. So let's pretend my name is "Tom Cruise", the conversation went kinda like this:

My Date: So the other day in chemistry "Tom Cruise" did the weirdest thing...

Me: Huh?!

My Date: Oh wait! You're "Tom Cruise"!! I feel so stupid!!

Me: Wow. Get out of my car you hobo.

I made up that last part and kind of made up the first part because I can't remember exactly how the dialog went, but she mentioned me in a story without realizing I was me. I was kind of let down! This was my crush I was taking out for the first time! Needless to say, I wasn't too interested in this girl after that date. Jerk.

On a more positive note, I am on a roll. I've played volleyball twice the last two Saturdays and a long couple of games of basketball tonight--I almost died a couple of times. I am SO out of shape. I thought I'd fair better since I have hanged pretty well with the volleyball... I forgot that you have to run in basketball. Dang. I scored a bunch though so that is awesome.

valentine's day's night

Our Valentine's Day's night progressed as following:

1. Ate delicious pork chop dinner made by The Wife
2. Made white chocolate covered strawberries
3. Had FHE lesson about John 3:16
4. Opened Valentine's Day gifts for The Wife and the Sons
5. Ate covered strawberries
6. Put kids to bed
7. Busted out the Ben and Jerry's (I needed MORE sugar)
8. Interpreted poetry
9. Watched Pride and Prejudice

Very good day indeed.

little son is on a roll today...

Little Son (singing):
I AM A KIDNEY BEAN IN THIS WORLD!!!

Little Son (after being busted for doing a naughty thing):
No mom! You are a bad guy!

Little Son (singing):

IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR FEEEEEET!

big son is rubbing off on little son

So Saturday night I was bathing the sons when Big Son asked me what I wanted to eat:

Big Son: What do you want me to make you dad? Smashed potatoes? (He was cooking bath water.)

Me: Sure dude.

Big Son: Here you go dad.

Me: Oooh! Yum, yum, yum.

Big Son: Dad, you want soda? [Little Son] is getting you soda.

Little Son: THIS IS MINNESOTA!!!!

...so i guess old women find me attractive?

So the other day I had to take a co-worker's iPhone to the Apple Store. This is usually a task I enjoy. I get to look and touch sweet looking computers so I never really complain. The only bad thing is that sometimes I'll be helped by a dude with a bad attitude and it won't go so well. When I'm lucky though I get a female and they are ALWAYS super nice (that's how I got my free iPad that one time).

Anyway, on this specific occasion I had a 2pm appointment but arrived about 15 minutes early. I brought my office assistant along with me just to keep me company since the Apple Store is a little ways away. So we walked in and an Apple Store employee came up and checked me in (that's how they do it there) and told me to feel free to play around with the products until it was my turn to be helped.

Now, I have been to the Apple Store quite a bit in my life and know how it works. When they check me in they type in a quick description about me in order to expedite the process of finding and taking care of me. (I needed to throw this in here so that you know how it works.)

So I'm sitting there admiring a 17" Macbook Pro--that I can envision myself owning in the next 20 years sometime--when this older lady employee walks up to me (she's probably 60-ish). She asks me if I need any help with anything. I tell her that I have been taken care of and that she was actually the 4th employee to ask me that.

The rest of the conversation went as follows:

Me: "Yes. Thank you. I've already been checked in." 

Her: "Did you know that you can check in on your iPhone?"

Me: "No, really?" 

Her: "Yes! That way we don't have to check you in and type in 'tall, dark, handsome, with ladybug shirt' into our devices." 

Office Assistant (from a distance): **giggles** 

Me: "Sweet." 

Her (rubbing my back): "Let me show you how it's done." 

Office Assistant (on the floor... almost): **rofls** 

Me (clenching my teeths): "Ooooo-kay." 

Dude Apple Employee (to me): "Do you have a 2 o'clock appointment?" 

Me: "YES!!"

The older lady then told me that she would find me after I was done talking to the dude (she didn't).

So there are a few things to get out of this story. First of all, my office assistant is messed up. Second of all, old ladies shouldn't rub me. And lastly of all (and most important), A LADYBUG SHIRT?! WHAT. THE. HECK! Below is an actual picture of the shirt I was wearing (which The Wife purchased for me via The Woot)...

THAT is NOT a ladybug. That is a Piranha Plant that has just eaten Mario, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Psh, a ladybug? Gross.

(I am pretty tall, dark, and handsome though, aren't I?)

new doo

Last week The Wife made me cut my hair before church because I was assigned to pass the sacrament (we don't have any young men in our ward). Here are some pretty nasty shots:

Pretty gross, huh? Of course even if The Wife would have left my hair just like that and walked away, I still think I would have preferred that to my brother-in-law's new doo:

meet kandibot, my candy dispensing robot

This is Kandibot. He gives me candy when I stick my hand below his mouth. He used to be full and now he is almost empty. Now I am full.

Thank you.